repair takes time to find the words for.
sometimes a rupture sits between two people and neither of you quite knows how to cross it. mend is a practice for that: slow, private, and structured enough that you don’t have to figure out the format while you’re already hurting.
how it works
solo when you need to. together when you’re ready.
mend has two tracks. the solo track is for when you need to process a rupture privately, whether the other person isn’t ready, isn’t on tessakin, or you just need to find your own ground first. five stages of guided reflection, entirely private, written at your own pace.
solo track
all five stages are private. no one else sees your words.
the two-person track is for when both people are willing to try. seven phases, written privately before either person sees the other’s words. phases 1 through 6 each have a question you both answer, and when both of you have written, the answers reveal together. phase 7 is a commitment card: continue working on this, or step back with care.
the mechanic
you write first. then you see each other.
in the two-person track, neither person sees the other’s answer until both have written. this matters. it keeps you from calibrating your words to what you think the other person wants to hear. you write what’s actually true for you, and then you read each other’s truth at the same moment.
phase 1
“describe what happened from your perspective.”
phase 2
“what were you feeling that you didn’t say?”
if you need to rest mid-practice, you can pause and return. if both people agree to close without finishing, mend records what you completed together and writes a moment from it.
reaching out
an invitation before the conversation.
when you invite someone to mend with you, you can write them an invitation note: a few sentences about what you want to try, what you’re hoping for. it’s not a confrontation. it’s the thing you write when you want them to know you’re willing.
“I don’t know how to start this conversation out loud. I’d like to try it this way first, just writing, just us, before we have to figure out the words in real time. you can say no. I just wanted to ask.”
if the other person isn’t on tessakin yet, you can share the invite link. they’ll see your note before deciding whether to join.
no kin bond required
for whoever you need it to be for.
mend doesn’t require a formal kin bond. you can use it with someone you haven’t added to your kin yet, or someone you had as kin and no longer do, an ex, a friend, a family member. the practice works wherever the rupture is, not just inside the categories tessakin tracks.
and if you need to do the solo track first, to find your own footing before inviting anyone, that’s the whole point of having it.
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